36 - Rainy Days

I Live on Compromise

Hello everybody! What a weekend! I played a tournament this past weekend and got 2nd place (and made $100 dollars). Luca graduated from cub scouts and crossed over to the boy scout troop (Lia and I are officially, officially done with cub scouting). Between Rafa and Luca we were involved with our pack for the past 8 years, so bitter sweet for sure. This past couple of weeks have been pretty rainy and wet around our neck of the woods. Have you ever wondered what happens in the life of a tennis coach when it rains? The courts are too wet to teach and you have no access to indoor courts? Looking at the weather app on my phone is a daily routine. Well, the first thing that happens is you cancel everything. Communication must happen quickly and decisively because you do not want your players wondering what they should do. A lot of people get frustrated or sad when it rains. I don’t mind the rain. The rain brings the water that I need to drink. The rain washes my car and waters the grass and the plants in my yard. I like having green grass, green trees, and blooming flowers so I don’t necessarily get mad when it rains. On the “positive” side of things, with cancellations, I am given the gift of “free time”. I’m not bragging about it. It is just the way it is. I have to adapt quickly because my day is definitely going to look different. I might even be able to do things I want to and like to do, but do not get to do very often. Unless you call your wife and tell her that you cancelled all your lessons. Honey-do-lists are real friends. Don’t worry, she doesn’t read my posts.

So, on sunny days, I work a lot and I try very hard to add value to my life, my family, and my player’s development as well. On rainy days I rest. I try to reset mentally and even have some fun. On rainy days, I have to compromise with the weather man. My income suffers, but my health thrives. I compromise their time with my time. I compromise their needs with my wishes. I compromise being productive with my “normal” life. One of my favorite jokes about compromise that I like to tell is that marriage has taught me about compromise. You see, Lia wanted one dog. I wanted NO dogs, so we have two dogs. See? COMPROMISE! Lia hates this joke. Well, like I said, she doesn’t read my substack, so this one is for YOUR entertainment.

Compromise is an interesting word. It can be a noun (a settlement of differences) and a verb (to come to agreement by mutual concession). A lot of times I find that the word compromise has a negative connotation because a compromise most of the times assumes that both parties are losing something. It may be true, but I like to think that compromise is much more about everybody gaining something. Compromising is a skill. It requires us to say yes to someone else over our own selfishness. These days unfortunately, compromise seems to be a lost art. My life is lived in a compromise mode. I compromise every day. I compromise my players’ happiness for their improvement and development, especially the younger ones who always want to only play games and have fun. That’s great. Tennis should be enjoyable. However, I also want them to learn the fundamentals of tennis and to work hard and develop resilience. To step out of their comfort zone and grow. That is rarely fun. I compromise on their needs and mine. I need calm and organized. I need their trust, and yes obedience (safety matters). Sometimes what they need to get better is a good ol’ kick in the rear, so I speak loudly and with authority, I bring unrelenting energy, I might even “throw” my racket on the ground and act angry (or as established in the past, passionate converse) in the name of their progress. Hopefully with time they learn to have fun because they are improving.

I compromise on my own health. Hours and hours in the sun and on my feet teaching lessons that are very physical, in the long run, may not be the best recipe to a long, healthy body. I try to mitigate the best way I can, but I am fully aware of the damage I am imposing on this old carcass. I do not need to chase every ball during lessons, but I do it anyways. The problem is that it is so ingrained in my mind, the hustling and playing defense that I do it most of the time without even a thought. Just to check myself after the fact. Sometimes I have to remind myself “Dude, you still have 4 hours of this”. I compromise on my family life. I try to spend as much time with my family as I can, but it never quite feels like enough. My boys are growing and I know soon they will want nothing to do with me, but I am not ready to let go just yet, so I cherish their attention. I try to be there for my wife because she is THAT important to me, but it never feels quite enough either. We chose the life we live, I try to make the best out of it. I am sure she might feel differently on this issue at times. I try to spend as much time and give as much attention to my players as they need and often it feels like I am not doing enough. There is always one more conversation to be had. One more piece of advice. One more minute of mentoring. I try to give attention to the players’ parents and be available to guide and mentor them, too. Every yes to someone, means no to someone else. No matter what I do, how much I do, and when I do it, there is always a hole to be filled because I feel like I am letting someone down. We get the same 24 hours everyday. You know, I just need the day to have 30 hours!

Meanwhile, I try to give attention and time to the most important one of all. ME, the man, the myth, the legend…the coach! However, I seem to “run out of time” often on myself. It seems that the coach gets the short end of the stick in all scenarios. I work out, I eat well and reasonably healthy. My dietary rule is simple: 5 fruits/day (one must be a berry) and 5 different colors/day. For example, black beans, white rice, squash, zucchini, and carrots (black, white, yellow, green, orange). I do not drink alcohol very often and I definitely do not smoke, but my little belly pouch (6-pack is long gone) doesn’t feel like disappearing. I stretch often, I roll my legs, do my foot and rotator cuff exercises trying to be reasonably pain free. AGING SUCKS! One of the main things I devote extra time to on rainy days is to write this Substack, so I figured I would let you into my rainy day. Here are some of the things that I do in no particular order when I don’t work due to rain.

I get to take my boys to school and feel like I am parenting. By the way, on rainy days, every single parent is taking their kids to school so traffic to get to school, traffic through the drop off, and especially the traffic to get out of the school is an absolute nightmare. Well, who cares, I got nothing but time! I take my time cooking dinner because I have more time. I can be more deliberate and choose recipes that require a little more work. Cooking, believe it or not, feels like therapy to me when not rushed. I love going to the grocery store and I take my time at H-E-B. I read more, just finished Patrick Mouratoglou’s book “Champion Mindset.

I also finished Lauren Grush’s book “The Six”.

I study tennis because learning never ends and I definitely do not know everything. Some might argue I do not know ANYTHING! I have lunch comfortably ( I probably eat lunch while driving somewhere 3-4 days during the week). Sometimes I even watch TV while I’m eating lunch. Right now I’m watching the series The Blacklist and I love it. If tennis is on TV, I actually get to sit down and watch full matches. If I KNOW that I will not be teaching, I do one of my favorite things, I wear what I call “civilian clothes” like jeans and a shirt. I confess, I feel a little jealous of you guys that get to wear nice clothes to work. Sometimes I see the parents coming to pick the kids up wearing nice clothes and I catch myself day dreaming about wearing something other than a sweaty long sleeve shirt, tennis shorts, and my flap hat. One day, I will wear a tie and suit to a tennis practice. It just won’t be in the summer in Texas. I get to have “nice” looking hair that doesn’t look like I stuck my finger in an electrical outlet.

And then the cherry on top of the sandwich, I am home earlier. I get to spend a little extra time with my kids or even participate in their after school activities. On rainy days, I might get lucky enough to shower BEFORE 10 pm.

I’m going to make one more confession. There have been rainy days in my career that I might enjoy a little too much, I might get hopeful enough to seriously consider getting out of coaching entirely. Life is meant to be lived! I know, it happens. I may think or even say out loud “I am done with Tennis. I am done coaching. I am going to try something else”. Then I sit down and I start thinking “OK Estevam, what skills do you have that you could use in another job”? It doesn’t matter how many times the Ferris wheel goes around, I always end up in the same place. I got nothing. I have no skills. I have been a tennis player and lover for 38 years and a coach for 23 years and that is all I know. So I move on. I compromise between the passion and love I have for what I do and the fact that by necessity, I cannot do anything else.

This brings me to another point, even if I could come up with something else to do, I’m not 100% sure I would have the courage to do it. Truth is, I would have a very hard time changing careers. The thought of not seeing my players and not having the privilege of experiencing them at their best and at their worst is a non-starter for me. By the wise words of the Rolling Stones “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need”. What I need on a rainy day is to dress nice, a little bit of free time, a little bit of rest, a little bit of love. In other words, just a little bit of normalcy. I’ll compromise on that.

OK, I got two things that made me laugh this week. The first one was when the mother of one of the kids I coach told me that her daughter was taking lesson from an 82 year old man. She said, “He is in great shape, he looks just like you” “Gee, thanks” I said and she replied “No, no, no, that is compliment to him”. All I could say was “Oh”. The second thing is the show Landman. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Billy Bob Thorton is amazing and the writers are fantastic. Highly recommend it.

Alright my friends, let’s just say we made it. I hope you have a great week. I also hope this substack gives you something to think about, a different perspective in a topic, or at least makes you smile. Thank you for making this far. Share this with someone who might benefit from it. Let me know if there is any topic you might be interested in as well. Strecker out!